Quotes By P. J. O..Rourke

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.

The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.

People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.