Quotes By P. J. O..Rourke

You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective.

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances.

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.