Quotes By P. J. O..Rourke

I read good. I was an English major.

I'm really tired of virtue.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective.

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.

The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.

People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.