Quotes By Doug Coupland

Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.

There's much to be said for feeling numb. Time passes more quickly. You eat less, and because numbness encourages laziness, you do fewer things, good or bad, and the world's probably a better place for it.

What if God exists except it turns out he doesn't really like people very much?

Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just something we haul into the grave.

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room.

Salad bars are like a restaurant's lungs. They soak up the impurities and bacteria in the environment, leaving you with much cleaner air to enjoy.

When Donald Duck traded his wings for arms, was he trading up or trading down?

Try not thinking of peeling an orange. Try not imagining the juice running down your fingers, the soft inner part of the peel. The smell. Try and you can't. The brain doesn't process negatives.

When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture.

What exactly is it that humans do that is specifically human? There has to be something. How odd it is for billions of people to be alive, yet not one of them is really quite sure of what makes people people.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

I think money is due for some sort of collapse. People are going to realize that money has a half-life, like radioactive elements.

Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question; you're already an animal.

If your life had lyrics, would they be any good?

Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you.

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.

I think the killers get far too much attention.

Once you see someone lose it, you can never look at them the same way again.

Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth get things handed to them on platters.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

We want our idols to be dead because it makes death a much less scary place.

The real killers in the business world aren't the ones who aim for the top, it's the ones who aim for two notches below the top.

The person who needs the other person the least in a relationship is the stronger member.

Only losers make decisions when things are bad. The time to rejig your life is the time when it's seemingly smooth.

I find it hard to believe that human beings are the crowning achievement of life on earth. Something better than us has to come along.

Nature is one great big wood-chipper. Sooner or later, everything shoots out the other end in a spray of blood, bones and hair.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.

It's very strange that most people don't care if their knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.

In the future, torture will once again become the recreational sport of the rich.