Jokes Quotes

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

Remember, if you do the same act for 20, 30 years it gets a little boring unless you've got something else going for you... And the orchestra really kept you going. They'd laugh at all your jokes, even if they'd been hearing them for the last 30 years.

We've got people looking at our seamy side and our sad side a lot of the time because that's easier. It's much more difficult to make a film about happiness with lots of jokes in it.

I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

'St. Elmo's Fire' is one of my favorite films. I like the storytelling of those teenage American films. You don't get that now. Teenage American movies are all about sick jokes, puking a lot, arse jokes.

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.