Jokes Quotes

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

I can't crack jokes because I don't have any.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.

Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get. And for the ones who don't, it doesn't matter, because we have Homer banging his head and saying, 'D'oh!'

Don't make jokes about food.

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.

Most shows, you really have to force it. And everybody's nervous, and the network is nervous, and they've all got their notepads out, and they're all going to give notes on what they think is funny, and everybody's trying to spin their jokes, and this was so - the script was so good that we didn't have to really do anything, and it made it so easy for us to do well.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.

But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could to make the material really pop. And if it didn't, there was something wrong with the material, or with you.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.