Quotes By Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.