Quotes By Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.