Quotes By Wilson Mizner

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Failure has gone to his head.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

You sparkle with larceny.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Art is science made clear.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.