Quotes By Wilson Mizner

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Failure has gone to his head.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

You sparkle with larceny.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

The first hundred years are the hardest.

Art is science made clear.

God help those who do not help themselves.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.