Quotes By Wilson Mizner

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Failure has gone to his head.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

You sparkle with larceny.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Art is science made clear.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.