Quotes By Wilson Mizner

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Failure has gone to his head.

Art is science made clear.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

You sparkle with larceny.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.