Quotes By Quentin Crisp

The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress.

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum.

For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change.

Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat.

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.

However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep.

Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin.

The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as "Soho" poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.

Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it.

The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.

The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.

Manners are love in a cool climate.

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.