Quotes By Quentin Crisp

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.

Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress.

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum.

For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change.

Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat.