Quotes By Kinky Friedman

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.