Quotes By Kinky Friedman

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Young people are the key to this election.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

We were a country band with a social conscience.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.