Quotes By Kinky Friedman

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!