Quotes By John Cleese

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?

The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not very good idea which sparked off another idea that was only slightly better, which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that they then said something which was really rather interesting.

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

I just think that sometimes we hang onto people or relationships long after they've ceased to be of any use to either of you. I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.

I think that sometimes you do something that makes a small group of people laugh, which is all we were trying to do; we were just trying to make each other laugh.

Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste; it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game.

England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.

But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with.

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

I was very sad to hear of the death of Ronnie Barker, who was such a warm, friendly and encouraging presence to have when I started in television. He was also a great comic actor to learn from.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!

Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such as synchronicity. Quantum physics suggests it's possible, so why not?

Filming takes a lot out of you. It really does. It's immensely demanding, and you have to put the rest of your life in the icebox until you do your final shot.

I would say that I began with a very edgy, very driven personality and after a sufficient amount of therapy over many, many years, I managed to become rather relaxed and happy.

I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London.

My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn't doing this I'd be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

He who laughs most, learns best.

It seems astounding to me now that the video games are perhaps as important as the movie themselves. And people will spend 2 or 3 years obsessing about the video game in exactly the same way that they'd be obsessing about the movie if they were working on that.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.