Quotes By John Cleese

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

I just think that sometimes we hang onto people or relationships long after they've ceased to be of any use to either of you. I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

He who laughs most, learns best.

Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game.

For me, the great problem growing up in England was that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be, and it was damn close to an old man with a beard.

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires.

The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was growing up was so exciting. He was one of the greats.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both.

I was very sad to hear of the death of Ronnie Barker, who was such a warm, friendly and encouraging presence to have when I started in television. He was also a great comic actor to learn from.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!