Quotes By Jerry Seinfeld

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

Men want to make women happy.

I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

I like definitive things.