Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

There's no down time any more.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

I know God is real.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.