Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

There's no down time any more.

I know God is real.