Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.