Quotes By Don Rickles

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

I do situations and make fun of authority and life.

I was a mother's boy.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

My whole act is off the top of my head.

Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.

I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.

In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

Funny is funny.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

I told jokes badly.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.