Quotes By Dick Gregory

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.

Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.