Quotes By Dick Gregory

I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.

We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.

I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.

Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.

I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.

If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.

I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.

My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that's never been explained.

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.

I waited at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn't have what I wanted.

Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.