Quotes By Dick Gregory

Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes - if I knew they were going to a friendly country.

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.

You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?

You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.

Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.

I used to get letters saying, 'I didn't know black children and white children were the same.'

I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that's never been explained.