Quotes By David Sedaris

I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.

No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.

As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

I don't like being left to my own thoughts.

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

I think it's important to take chances.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

I love 'Glee.'