Quotes By Bill Maher

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.

It's all been satirized for your protection.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.