Quotes By Bill Maher

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

It's all been satirized for your protection.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'

A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.