Quotes By Andy Rooney

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.