Quotes By Rita Rudner
My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'
Rita Rudner
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Rita Rudner
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Rita Rudner
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner