Quotes By Terry Prachett

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.

You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.

If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother.

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

I think I would like to go into modelling. Of course, I don't know how to do it, and wouldn't be any good at it if I did, so I'm going to employ someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still be me, of course.

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon.

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me.

Never trust any complicated cocktail that remainds perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.

Freedom without limits is just a word.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.