Quotes By Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

How young can you die of old age?

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.