Quotes By Scott Adams

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

The longer you work here, diverse it gets.

I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.

The best things in life are silly.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.