Quotes By Ryan Stiles

Never trust sheep.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

Back off or the lizard gets it!

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.