Quotes By Robert Orben

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.