Quotes By Gilbert Gottfried

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.