Quotes By George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
George Carlin