Quotes By Dennis Miller

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life.

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.