Quotes By David Walliams

I know some of my parents' friends think 'Little Britain' is in incredibly poor taste. But swimming the Channel? You can't really say anything negative about that, can you? There's nothing better than making your parents happy. The glee on my father's face that day was amazing.

There's a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for instance, is funnier than a Milky Way.

I don't have a fear factor. Well, not much of one. And I'm willing to risk quite a lot - as a comedian, you're always risking a lot. You're risking failure, especially if you're improvising and going on TV shows trying to make comedy out of thin air. That is quite a risky business.

I was born in 1971, and Tom Baker was sort of my obsession as a kid and that's why we got him to do the voice over for 'Little Britain' because I was actually obsessed with Tom Baker.

I was the kind of person who got bullied and loved the attention of it.

I would recommend that anyone who wants to do comedy on TV to do radio first.

I don't know what I'll be like when I'm 60. I already have the traits of a retired gentleman.

Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with women with a man.

The most used piece of kit in my kitchen is my saucepan. I use it every morning to cook my porridge in. The least used piece of equipment? I'd say a food mixer. I've never used it, I don't really know what they're for.

I still enjoy my life, and I feel like I've achieved enough things that if I never did anything again, I'd feel confident that I'd still have made my mark in some way. But maybe the self-loathing bit is the element that makes you strive for more. Makes you strive to be better.

The one good thing about our school was the Cadets; I chose to be in the Navy, purely for the sailor's outfit. A pity we had to give them back.

Children's books are often seen as the poor relation of literature. But children are just as demanding as adult readers, if not more so. I should know. I'm a children's writer myself.

It's a weird thing because I've been single at the time when I've been successful. That's good and bad. Good, because you meet lots of people, bad because your privacy is infringed, so it's harder to develop things.

All human life can be found in an airport.

I've noticed that once you leave London you do kind of become a bit more famous. People in London are a bit too cool for school. It's not so unusual to see someone from London in the street. But outside of London people are a bit more excited to see you and come out and support you.

I don't have a lot to share with other men. My heart sinks when I get into a taxi and someone starts talking to me about football.

I can't see why anyone would want to be in politics because you get so much criticism.

I used to have a silk dressing gown an uncle bought in Japan and when I came downstairs in it, my dad used to call me Davinia. There was never embarrassment about that kind of thing. My sister used to dress me up a lot. She thought I was a little doll.

I'm not a political thinker, but I've just always thought of myself as a Labour supporter. I was a great fan of Tony Blair. He sent me a letter before I swam the Channel to wish me luck.

I don't get recognized much, and am very happy with that. The fans I have met have all been delightful.

I've done panel shows, which I enjoy, and on those you're recording half-an-hour of TV and sometimes they film for two hours. But with 'Britain's Got Talent,' you're on camera for eight hours, with a large theatre audience watching - and in between you're being filmed for ITV2 as you eat your lunch.

I haven't put much effort into my personal life and blithely believe it will turn out all right in the end.

Ricky Gervais would have you believe otherwise, but Sacha Baron Cohen is the most successful British comedian in the world.

We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.

I have always liked shows that have laughter in them.

People think writing a children's book is something you could do in an afternoon but it's actually really hard.

I was quite fat as a kid. And swimming is a sport you can enjoy whatever size you are. If you're fat, running is a pain. I'm not really built for running.

When you are doing endurance swimming you just need to take in as many carbs as possible to put on as much weight as you can. Basically you can eat whatever you want, which can be quite fun. Everything is guilt-free.

I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.

It's important when you're married not to forget those things you used to do when you were trying to get her to marry you. You can't send flowers and buy gifts then, when you're married, say, 'Right, get my tea on'. That doesn't go down well. So you've got to keep that level of interest going.