Quotes By David Letterman

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.