Quotes By David Letterman

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?