Quotes By Craig Ferguson

I don't get emails from my corporate overlords.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him.

It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.

I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.

I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.

I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.'

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.

A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.

I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.'

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.

I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.