Quotes By Artie Lange

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust.

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.