Quotes By Ambrose Bierce

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.