Quotes By Ambrose Bierce

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.