Quotes By Alexei Sayle

The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away.

I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't... You can't live your life for your routines.

Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers.

I don't think people were that interested in what I was doing for the most of the 1990s.

I feel really ambiguous about the psychology of people trying to do good in the world.

I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion.

If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'

I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically.

I feel sorry for many politicians... we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

I'm distinct, really.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

I'm still fiercely ambitious.

As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death.

I exist as an annexe of the BBC. I'm down the road a bit from the main building, in a little hut.

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way.

People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre.

Most of the Communists I knew were nice people.

First off, I have to mention what is undoubtedly the greatest phenomenon of the modern era: All You Can Eat Buffets.

I'm sure a psychologist would see something highly significant in how absent-minded I am. I mean I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached to my neck by muscles, ligaments and my esophagus.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather.

I'm fascinated by comedy.

I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.

I would say I was still a Marxist - which is not to be confused with being a Communist. Despite its flaws, Marxism still seems to explain the material world better than anything else.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.