Quotes By Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.