Quotes By Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.